Love, Sex, Creativity and Life

Over a period of time, I have been observing one very interesting thing happening in the society. At one end, we are witnessing pair of boys and girls engaged in love, romance and finally sex. On the other hand, I often have a discussion with some of my married friends and they used to say that there love life particularly sex life is gradually becoming very boring.

At one end we find that the level of someone’s affection and love have been reduced down to the level of sex only and on the other hand those who are married are not getting enough time to spend with their spouse and there is a long queue before the doctors’ chamber of the couple planning to have  a baby.

Those who are not yet married are looking very desperate for sex and those who are married are not getting time even to plan a baby for themselves. There are many probable reasons for this but the reasons which strike most in my mind is our culture, ideologies and to some extent absence of sex education.  

Being a student of social science in general and management in particular, this has drawn my attention. Moreover, being a man, sex as a subject of discussion is always very spicy and attractive, though publicly many of us might deny.

Besides, last week I was watching the movie “Pink”. The situations portrayed in the movie has also given an impetus to write this piece of the article though it is not exclusively on gender issues. 

  

One of my childhood friend told me that his wife used to tell him that he has become a little boring over the period of time since their marriage and not very juicy. Of late, her wife has started to feel very dependent and a victim of ideologies of our society. He went on explaining that he has also started to feel very guilty and depressed. From his face, it seemed that he was feeling totally worthless.

I remember I told him that his wife is very compassionate and honest in her expressions. This is because each man finally becomes very boring not a little boring. Has any man ever realised the fact that what they call love is a repetition of some stupid gymnastics again and again? Interestingly, in this whole stupid game, the man is the loser. He is disintegrating his energy. The woman keeps her eyes closed. What she might be thinking during that time? I am sure she might be thinking that all these are just a question of only two or three minutes and this nightmare will be finished.

Science and technology has done so much of progress. But I could not find any significant innovation with respect to love making other than some contraceptives. We have made all kinds of innovation but why we have taken it for granted that going through the same actions again and again while making love, is going to make lovemaking very interesting.

I consider most of the women who happen to be someone’s wife or girlfriend are very compassionate. My friend’s wife (whom we can consider as the representative of all women) only told him that my friend (who can also be considered as representative of men fraternity) is becoming a little boring. In fact, I would like to reiterate the fact that all men become utterly boring to the best of my understanding and belief though I do not have any mechanism to prove it.

When the Christian missionaries came to the Indian subcontinent, people discovered that they knew only one posture of making love. This position was the woman underneath and the man on top of the delicate woman. In India, that posture is called the missionary posture.

If we look into our past, we find that India is a land of many inventions particularly during the period of Vedas. Our Vedas are the storehouse of tremendous ideas, innovations and scientific theories. There are still researches going on considering different ideas given in Vedas. India is an ancient land. It is the birthplace of many sciences. The question that I referred above is also addressed in our scriptures.

Vatsyayana has authored a book of tremendous importance entitled “Kamasutra” almost five thousand years before. The meaning of “Kamasutra” is hints for making love. This kind of work can come from a man of deep meditation like Vatsyayana. He has created more than eighty-four postures for lovemaking.

The great Vatsyayana had recognised the fact that the same love posture creates boredom. After some time it is bound to bring the feeling of stupidity. It is because one is always doing the same thing. Repetitive thing. If someone from another planet (say mars) happens to witness this entire episode then that particular person will have the feeling that what is this stupid thing these couples are doing every day. 

Vatsyayana invented different postures to make the love life of couples a little interesting. I believe, nobody in the whole world has written a book of the calibre of Kamasutra. It could only have come from a man of immense clarity, a man of deep meditativeness.

On the contrary, what kind of lovemaking ordinarily people used to do? The same actions again and again. Ultimately, it becomes boring.

Thus, I remember I suggested my friend read "Kamasutra" and get some inspiration from it so that he would not be boring to his wife.  

Especially for women, it is more boring. From my experience and discussion with my friends and also by reading some articles on these issues, what I could understand that man is finished in two or three minutes and the woman has not even started.

All around the world, cultures have enforced in the minds of women that they are not supposed even to enjoy or move or be playful particularly during lovemaking. If they do it, it is considered to be `dirty'. People would say that these things are to be done by prostitutes, not by the ladies. Ladies have to lie down almost dead and let the man do whatsoever he wants to do. 

There is nothing new in it. There is nothing new even to see this. I do not find any reason as to why people find pornography so interesting. There is nothing new in it. Perhaps people are getting excited to see the pornography due to the adventure involved in it like it has to be seen without the knowledge of anyone, in someone's house when all the family members are out for some time.

If some one's wife is telling that he has become boring then he should not take it as a personal disrespect. I told my friend that his wife is telling him something really sincere and honest.

I bluntly asked him to remember how many times he had given her orgasmic joy or he has simply using her to throw out his energy. If this is the case (and obviously this was the case otherwise why she would call him boring) he has reduced her down to the level of a commodity. 

In spite of all this, she is not even allowed to resist or tell that she is not comfortable. The culture, prevalent all over the world, has not allowed her to do so. She has been conditioned to accept it. But this acceptance is not joyful for her. 

Another possible reason for becoming boring is that one used to make love on the same bed where they used to fight every day. In fact, fighting is the preface then feeling tired, and some negotiation is needed.

In most of the people’s life, love is only a negotiation. If someone is a man of aesthetic sensibility, his love chamber should be a sacred place. In this love chamber, life is born. People should enter into their love chamber with deep respect.

Love should not be an abrupt thing. Love should have a preface of beautiful music, of dancing together, of meditating together. It is a kind of meditation. 

Love should not be a mind thing. Almost all people who are about to make love are continuously thinking of how to make love and then go to sleep. It should come out spontaneously. If spontaneously love happens in a sacred atmosphere it will have a different quality.

We, men, should understand that the woman is capable of multiple orgasms. This is particularly because she does not lose any energy. Man is capable of only one orgasm and he loses energy. As he goes on growing older it becomes more and more difficult. This difference has to be understood. The woman is on the receptive end.

Man's sexuality is local, like local anaesthesia. A woman's body is sexual all over. She is not expected to have an orgasmic explosion unless each cell of her body is involved in it. This biological difference between men and women needs to be understood.  

As per one research report, it is reported that approximately 99% of the women around the world could not get orgasmic joy. Even if it is slightly on the higher side and for the sake of argument let us consider that the figure is not 99% but only 90% then also this is really very unfortunate. 

There is a need that she should not be treated like a lady. She has to be treated as an authentic woman. The lady is a social construct, the woman is a biological construct and created by existence, i.e., created by God.

I told my friend to take care of these pieces of advice so that his wife would not call him a little boring and he will be really interesting and juicy to his wife.

I said his wife is claiming to be a victim. But if we look carefully, every human being is a victim of stupid ideologies. These stupid ideologies have created strange guilt feelings among us. These stupid ideologies do not allow a woman (and man also in many cases) to be playful while making love.

There are many people I met in my village who believe that making love is a kind of sin they are committing and that hell is not far off. This is ridiculous. 

Love making is a meditative process. Men's and women's whole presence has to be there, showering their love, beauty and grace on each other. Then they will not feel themselves to be a victim, otherwise, they are a victim of fake ideologies. The most important part is that no one (Man and Woman both) will feel guilty and depressed. I strongly believe that lovemaking is a form of creativity. No creative person feels depressed and guilty. His participation in the universe by his creative actions makes him tremendously fulfilled and gives him dignity.

I think, being creative is the birthright of every man. But the question is how many people really claim it. I believe there is no difficulty in claiming one’s creativity. It is so easy to use energy in creative fields like painting, gardening, writing, learning music, and dancing etc. One can learn and test his/her creativity every morning when he/she is cleaning his/her teeth, i.e., in how many ways, in how much time teeth can be cleaned. One should learn anything that changes his destructive energy into creative energy. This will transform negativity into positivity.

Bouncing Back

As it is said that with every good thing some bad things are associated and vice versa, similarly the incident of walking 20 km in absence of Rs. 20/-(refer previous story "The Best Friends"), though it cannot be said to be a very good memory, had given me a lot of confidence and filled me with positive energy. Prior to March 2014, I was always known for my academic writings. I used to keep myself busy in writings, be it research paper, books, seminar papers or even fiction writings. But all of a sudden, the situation had changed.

It was again the same me who had not done any academic work in the last almost one year and totally out of the academic world. I could not concentrate on any constructive work. During this period of one year, I had undergone considerable mental trauma. There were innumerable gossips considering me on the University campus. Everybody has their own story regarding me with the best possible explanation understandable only to them. Stories related to me were getting popular inside the University campus like hot cake and it was spicier than the stories about a girl who all of a sudden become the talk of the town. 

I was often humiliated by saying "What happened, you again become Assistant Professor?" Sometimes, people also make fun of me by saying "IIIT return". I was totally shattered. Most of them were the same people who at one point of time happens to be a very good companion of mine. I had conceptualised this poem during that time which goes like:

“जो कहते थे जिंदगी गुजरे तेरी बांहो में,
आज मेरी बातों से उनका दम घुटता है” 

It was not that nobody was standing with me during those days. There were some people who were very good friends of mine. They were standing by me, supporting me and fighting for me. But many times, I got to know that a certain section of people had scolded them for helping and supporting me. 

Every second person to whom I met during those days treats me as if I was a criminal. To be very frank, sometimes I felt and in fact treated like that of an anti-social element in the society during those days. 

On 31^st March 2015, I was preparing my balance sheet of life (I do it two times in a year, one on the day of my arrival on this earth, i.e. 18^th September and second on the last day of the financial year, i.e., 31^st March). I found that during the last more than one year, I had not done anything substantial other than to keep myself frustrating and quarrelling with my family members and friends. I was introspecting the reasons for this but that also had given me another dose of frustration. I started losing faith in myself.   

One day, I was reading Geeta and discussed it with my friends. Suddenly, I realised that whatever may be the situation, one should keep doing his duties. I also believed in this philosophy of Geeta, i.,e, "कर्मण्य वधिकारस्ते, माँ फलेषु कदाचनः" but that day, I don't know why I realised its true worth from core of my heart.

I do not know the reason but I could feel one positive energy in myself. A few weeks back, I had travelled the distance between University to Silchar town on foot and it had boosted my confidence. I was also thinking that God has made that master plan to re-install my lost faith and confidence. 

I was thinking seriously that the situation would not be the same always and if that was the bad phase of my life then good phase would also come soon like with every positive thing negative things are also associated. Similarly, if it was bad then something good must be there. And then the things would be started to turn in my favour. 

When the dark days would be over, then I would have nothing to show to the world as what had been done by me during the last few years. Nobody would be listening that due to some problem I could not do any academic and research work.

But the question was how can someone who is on such a situation like me at that time concentrate on doing something positive. The situations prevailing during that time were enough to put any normal person into Chinta (tension) viz a viz abnormal mental pain and the resultant would be mental disorder, anxiety, sleeplessness and frustration and I was also undergoing all these.

On that day, I started to think deeply and started doing Chintan. Chintan brings some solution to a problem in hand whereas Chinta brings nervous breakdown and anxiety and does not bring any solution.

In such a situation where I was not having anything, I started to introspect about the things that were with me during those days and came to the conclusion that I had plenty of time. I was not required to engage any classes nor guiding dissertation students (who were another source of anxiety because most of the time they come unprepared and with copied materials as well as copied idea). I was not invited to any official programmes of the University. The level of my anti-social like-treatment was such that I was also not invited in the personal programmes like wedding function of the son of one of my colleagues where people from the entire city were invited and though he met me several times in the University but not invited me. It seems that everybody had taken it for granted that this so-called Dr Ranjit Singh is not going to last for long.

Like every adversity brings some opportunity, this adversity has given me an opportunity in the form of plenty of time. And now it was me to decide which way this time should be utilised. I had to show to the world that I was still alive and nobody can forget me like this. After all, I belong to a race and community which is known for its fighting and fight back. All these features are present in my DNA too which I have inherited from my ancestors, and I think everybody should be proud of one's ancestors and their achievements. I was also reminded of SHER of Bahadur Shah Zafar 

“खामिशियों की मौत गंवारा नही मुझे
शीशा हु टूट कर भी खनक छोड़ जाऊँगा”

I decided to focus on the task in which I had some expertise, i.e., writing. But what to write? For writing, we need not only time but also some ideas. Suddenly, I had seen the syllabus of B.Com Programme of Assam University and since I had already written textbooks on ‘business environment’ for other universities, I picked up one syllabus of the business environment for Assam University and decided to write the textbook for the same. 

But again it was not so easy particularly when someone has not written anything for last more than one year. I remember I sat every day with my laptop for almost 10 days but could not write a single word.

One day, I was watching a cricket match, probably it was a repeat telecast. In that particular match, both the batsmen were having a tough time in scoring runs. Fours and sixes were not coming and one after another maiden over was going on. Then all of a sudden, I observed that the scoreboard was moving up though boundaries were not coming. On careful observation, I found that they were focusing on ones and twos and keep the scoreboard moving.

This had given me a new strike. I had decided to sit on the computer and write only one paragraph every day. Writing of one paragraph was not that difficult. On the first day, I had written one paragraph and I found a great deal of energy and enthusiasm in me. Then every day I kept on writing one paragraph only. This, writing of one paragraph continued for a few weeks (almost three weeks). Gradually my speed accelerated and I started writing several pages in one day and after four months, I found that book on ‘Business Environment’ was ready. 

I continued this momentum and within another six months, I was able to complete my first fiction book entitled “Presiding Babu” which was pending since long back. Since then there are many such incidents like the publishing of papers in Indexed Journals and seminar papers, etc. Now, I used to listen from people as to how could I do all these in the midst of all such problems. “Presiding babu” is becoming popular among the readers. But the journey was not so easy.

Last month, I was watching Salman Khan’s Sultan and one famous dialogue was uttered by the Character Sultan “मैन पहलवानी छोड़ी है, लड़ना नही भूल" (I left wrestling but didn't forget fighting). I could relate it to my story as well. I was out of writing for almost 14 months but have not forgotten writing.

So all that we need is to put ourselves on the right track. If we have to fly we have to be on the runway first and gradually generate momentum. Once we are on the runway, momentum is generated, nobody can stop us from flying.