Bouncing Back

As it is said that with every good thing some bad things are associated and vice versa, similarly the incident of walking 20 km in absence of Rs. 20/-(refer previous story "The Best Friends"), though it cannot be said to be a very good memory, had given me a lot of confidence and filled me with positive energy. Prior to March 2014, I was always known for my academic writings. I used to keep myself busy in writings, be it research paper, books, seminar papers or even fiction writings. But all of a sudden, the situation had changed.

It was again the same me who had not done any academic work in the last almost one year and totally out of the academic world. I could not concentrate on any constructive work. During this period of one year, I had undergone considerable mental trauma. There were innumerable gossips considering me on the University campus. Everybody has their own story regarding me with the best possible explanation understandable only to them. Stories related to me were getting popular inside the University campus like hot cake and it was spicier than the stories about a girl who all of a sudden become the talk of the town. 

I was often humiliated by saying "What happened, you again become Assistant Professor?" Sometimes, people also make fun of me by saying "IIIT return". I was totally shattered. Most of them were the same people who at one point of time happens to be a very good companion of mine. I had conceptualised this poem during that time which goes like:

“जो कहते थे जिंदगी गुजरे तेरी बांहो में,
आज मेरी बातों से उनका दम घुटता है” 

It was not that nobody was standing with me during those days. There were some people who were very good friends of mine. They were standing by me, supporting me and fighting for me. But many times, I got to know that a certain section of people had scolded them for helping and supporting me. 

Every second person to whom I met during those days treats me as if I was a criminal. To be very frank, sometimes I felt and in fact treated like that of an anti-social element in the society during those days. 

On 31^st March 2015, I was preparing my balance sheet of life (I do it two times in a year, one on the day of my arrival on this earth, i.e. 18^th September and second on the last day of the financial year, i.e., 31^st March). I found that during the last more than one year, I had not done anything substantial other than to keep myself frustrating and quarrelling with my family members and friends. I was introspecting the reasons for this but that also had given me another dose of frustration. I started losing faith in myself.   

One day, I was reading Geeta and discussed it with my friends. Suddenly, I realised that whatever may be the situation, one should keep doing his duties. I also believed in this philosophy of Geeta, i.,e, "कर्मण्य वधिकारस्ते, माँ फलेषु कदाचनः" but that day, I don't know why I realised its true worth from core of my heart.

I do not know the reason but I could feel one positive energy in myself. A few weeks back, I had travelled the distance between University to Silchar town on foot and it had boosted my confidence. I was also thinking that God has made that master plan to re-install my lost faith and confidence. 

I was thinking seriously that the situation would not be the same always and if that was the bad phase of my life then good phase would also come soon like with every positive thing negative things are also associated. Similarly, if it was bad then something good must be there. And then the things would be started to turn in my favour. 

When the dark days would be over, then I would have nothing to show to the world as what had been done by me during the last few years. Nobody would be listening that due to some problem I could not do any academic and research work.

But the question was how can someone who is on such a situation like me at that time concentrate on doing something positive. The situations prevailing during that time were enough to put any normal person into Chinta (tension) viz a viz abnormal mental pain and the resultant would be mental disorder, anxiety, sleeplessness and frustration and I was also undergoing all these.

On that day, I started to think deeply and started doing Chintan. Chintan brings some solution to a problem in hand whereas Chinta brings nervous breakdown and anxiety and does not bring any solution.

In such a situation where I was not having anything, I started to introspect about the things that were with me during those days and came to the conclusion that I had plenty of time. I was not required to engage any classes nor guiding dissertation students (who were another source of anxiety because most of the time they come unprepared and with copied materials as well as copied idea). I was not invited to any official programmes of the University. The level of my anti-social like-treatment was such that I was also not invited in the personal programmes like wedding function of the son of one of my colleagues where people from the entire city were invited and though he met me several times in the University but not invited me. It seems that everybody had taken it for granted that this so-called Dr Ranjit Singh is not going to last for long.

Like every adversity brings some opportunity, this adversity has given me an opportunity in the form of plenty of time. And now it was me to decide which way this time should be utilised. I had to show to the world that I was still alive and nobody can forget me like this. After all, I belong to a race and community which is known for its fighting and fight back. All these features are present in my DNA too which I have inherited from my ancestors, and I think everybody should be proud of one's ancestors and their achievements. I was also reminded of SHER of Bahadur Shah Zafar 

“खामिशियों की मौत गंवारा नही मुझे
शीशा हु टूट कर भी खनक छोड़ जाऊँगा”

I decided to focus on the task in which I had some expertise, i.e., writing. But what to write? For writing, we need not only time but also some ideas. Suddenly, I had seen the syllabus of B.Com Programme of Assam University and since I had already written textbooks on ‘business environment’ for other universities, I picked up one syllabus of the business environment for Assam University and decided to write the textbook for the same. 

But again it was not so easy particularly when someone has not written anything for last more than one year. I remember I sat every day with my laptop for almost 10 days but could not write a single word.

One day, I was watching a cricket match, probably it was a repeat telecast. In that particular match, both the batsmen were having a tough time in scoring runs. Fours and sixes were not coming and one after another maiden over was going on. Then all of a sudden, I observed that the scoreboard was moving up though boundaries were not coming. On careful observation, I found that they were focusing on ones and twos and keep the scoreboard moving.

This had given me a new strike. I had decided to sit on the computer and write only one paragraph every day. Writing of one paragraph was not that difficult. On the first day, I had written one paragraph and I found a great deal of energy and enthusiasm in me. Then every day I kept on writing one paragraph only. This, writing of one paragraph continued for a few weeks (almost three weeks). Gradually my speed accelerated and I started writing several pages in one day and after four months, I found that book on ‘Business Environment’ was ready. 

I continued this momentum and within another six months, I was able to complete my first fiction book entitled “Presiding Babu” which was pending since long back. Since then there are many such incidents like the publishing of papers in Indexed Journals and seminar papers, etc. Now, I used to listen from people as to how could I do all these in the midst of all such problems. “Presiding babu” is becoming popular among the readers. But the journey was not so easy.

Last month, I was watching Salman Khan’s Sultan and one famous dialogue was uttered by the Character Sultan “मैन पहलवानी छोड़ी है, लड़ना नही भूल" (I left wrestling but didn't forget fighting). I could relate it to my story as well. I was out of writing for almost 14 months but have not forgotten writing.

So all that we need is to put ourselves on the right track. If we have to fly we have to be on the runway first and gradually generate momentum. Once we are on the runway, momentum is generated, nobody can stop us from flying.